So yes it is that time of year again, it’s my birthday. But this year I am forty and I am really feeling it. I never pictured myself at forty and it is scary. I shyly look in the mirror and find a grey hair. It’s my first present of the day, how wonderful.

Making my way to the kitchen a feel my body creaking and I ponder if leg arthritis is beginning. Yes this is the beginning of the end. I saw my future next week retiring with my cane because I could no longer walk or hold a job down.

As I drop off the kids to school the rain begins to pour. Great, a perfect weather forecast to match my mood. When I get to work I realize I forgot my umbrella at home. Perfect, add it up to a bad hair day for my bad old birthday.

To top it off there is a bouquet of black balloons from my well meaning co-workers. I try to laugh as I slump in my desk and really being a pity party over my declining state of being, knowing it is all down hill from here until death.

As I look at my ringing phone I see it is a birthday call from my best friend Lisa. She probably has the perfect fun filled dig to give me while reminding me she is two years younger. But as I answered I sense that she is upset. I ask her what is wrong but she tries to play it off.

She tries not to cry but I want to know what is wrong as she tells me, ‘I’m so sorry to tell you this today, but I just found out I have breast cancer and I really need a friend right now.’ After hearing this devastating news I feel awful. Here I am in my pity party of one and my best friend just got the worst news of her life. As I console her and tell her it is going to be okay I am slapping myself for being such a selfish idiot.

As I drive home I think to myself how fortunate I am. I have my health I don’t have to make up a disease. My kids are all healthy. I have a good job and roof over my head. There are so many people who have so much less than I do and they have joy. As I scold myself for being so innately stupid in my way of thinking I pull into the driveway where my husband and kids have made a special dinner for me and as I enter the door I no longer think about the crow’s feet but how blessed I truly am.

I dread looking in the mirror because today is my fortieth birthday. As I stagger to the mirror I see yet another little wrinkle tied to my new graying hair. I can fix the wrinkle I guess and the hair color will get rid of the hair but it is a bit depressing.

Making my way to the kitchen a feel my body creaking and I ponder if leg arthritis is beginning. Yes this is the beginning of the end. I saw my future next week retiring with my cane because I could no longer walk or hold a job down.

I go through my usual day of getting the kids off to school and then drive down the road to work in a slight drizzle. Great, as I think to myself, a perfect addition to my mood; rain. As I get to my office I think what a great day it is to walk in the rain from my parking spot to the building and why I bothered even doing my hair.

To top it off there is a bouquet of black balloons from my well meaning co-workers. I try to laugh as I slump in my desk and really being a pity party over my declining state of being, knowing it is all down hill from here until death.

By the afternoon I am in a basic state of depression and mourning my youth when I see my phone ID spark Lisa’s name as it rings. I pick it up knowing that she will be having fun teasing me since she is after all two years younger than me. But she is not her usual self and the teasing has a bit of sadness to it.

She apologizes profusely and says she does not want to tell me this on my birthday. But then the tears start and she tells me she just got the news that she has breast cancer. As my heart sinks in my stomach I cry with her. I try to reassure her that everything is going to be okay and I will be there for her. I wish I could hug her through the phone and think to myself how I could be so selfish.

The burden I share with my friend makes me realize how fortunate I am. Sure I feel older but I can look forward to more years where she is doubtful of hers. How could I be so self absorbed and not see all the blessings around me that I have. I was too wrapped up in my own pity. So as I pull up the drive I thank God for the blessings I do have and squeeze my kids hard and thank the man above.