For those of you who may be pondering what issues I had at the time here is a brief description. I had a stutter which had affected me from the age of four. Stuttering put a huge dent in my confidence and made me withdraw into my shell.

I had a weight problem which was mainly caused by comfort eating when I was depressed. For whatever reason I have a small area on my scalp, the size of a small coin, where I am basically bald – this has been the source of amusement for many of my work class mates and work colleagues in the past. I was always the shortest person in the class and for a male I am well below the average height at five-foot four. I have struggled in my career originally working in a pgd clinic however I am now doing well selling external doors. 

When I was aged about 18 I enjoyed an evening out with one of my best friends called John. John was one of the people I had always been jealous of for many different reasons. On this particular evening we were both fairly drunk and John had became quite emotional. During our conversation he told me that his father was an alcoholic and that at certain times when he arrived home worse for wear that he would hit his mom. He was very worried about this and was not sure what to do.

I have learnt that we all have problems and that in most cases there is always people worse off than ourselves. I now try to think in a much more positive way and am very happy with the cards I have been dealt.

For those of you who may be pondering what issues I had at the time here is a brief description. I had a stutter which had affected me from the age of four. Stuttering put a huge dent in my confidence and made me withdraw into my shell.

I had a weight problem which was mainly caused by comfort eating when I was depressed. For whatever reason I have a small area on my scalp, the size of a small coin, where I am basically bald – this has been the source of amusement for many of my work class mates and work colleagues in the past. I was always the shortest person in the class and for a male I am well below the average height at five-foot four. I have struggled in my career originally offering sex selection services however I am now doing well offering aloe vera shampoo which is very popular due to being paraben free.

When I was aged about 18 I enjoyed an evening out with one of my best friends called John. John was one of the people I had always been jealous of for many different reasons. On this particular evening we were both fairly drunk and John had became quite emotional. During our conversation he told me that his father was an alcoholic and that at certain times when he arrived home worse for wear that he would hit his mom. He was very worried about this and was not sure what to do.

I have learnt that we all have problems and that in most cases there is always people worse off than ourselves. I now try to think in a much more positive way and am very happy with the cards I have been dealt.

The first thing you need to know is that an alcoholic who tries to change for other people is not going to make it in recovery. What you must understand is that the choice has to be theirs. You and other people in their life can’t make this choice for them. Not you, not a jail cell, not their parents, nobody.

The second idea for you to grasp is that this decision that will eventually be made by the alcoholic will be motivated by pain. Ultimately this is how it has to go. The alcoholic will finally decide that they have had enough pain and misery in their life and decide it is time for change. This is the only driving force that makes real change. You can promise them the whole world if they stop drinking but this will not produce any different results. The motivation has to come from pain and fear and misery.

Given both of these concepts, you can probably tell where this is headed. The most important thing for you to concentrate on in attempting to help an alcoholic is that you should never try to deny the alcoholic of their pain. The alcoholic is trapped in a cycle and experiencing pain and misery on a regular basis and your job is to step out of the way and let them endure that pain. For example, if an alcoholic gets loaded on the weekends and can’t make it to work on Monday morning, they might lose their job. Let them lose it. Do not attempt to cover for them or help them to keep their life held together. This is a part of their natural consequences and you should not deprive them of it. Doing so will keep them drinking. Let them experience their misery and they just might find recovery in the future. This is probably the best way to really help an alcoholic.

In many of these instances, alcoholism is taking things away from the individual. Any sense of spirituality is stripped away and replaced by the booze. Whatever used to provide entertainment and genuine value for the alcoholic was eventually replaced with drinking. In short, alcoholism becomes the answer for every event in the alcoholic’s life, and it is the cure for any ailment. It becomes the spiritual savior and the emotional balance mechanism.

So when someone tries to stop drinking, the task at hand is so much more than just quitting drinking. The task at hand is to completely recreate the entire life that was once ruled by drinking. Not only this, but also in seeking out a new way to live that can give us purpose that the booze used to provide for us, such as by how we dealt with our emotions.

The key to doing this is in creation.

In traditional recovery, such as with a 12 step program, there is a focus on creative efforts. The alcoholic is encouraged to progress through 12 steps in order to create a spiritual connection with a higher power and thus overcome their drinking. This is an act of creation, though I would argue that is too narrow of a focus. The reason for this is because the disease is more than just spiritual….It is also spiritual, physical, mental, and so on. So the answer should be comprehensive and needs to consider the whole alcoholic and every area of their lives, not just the spiritual.

So the answer for achieving sobriety is in making a purposeful life for yourself in these different areas. That is the holistic approach to recovery and when you follow it and attempt to grow in several areas then you will be involved in the act of creation. This then is the ultimate secret of overcoming alcohol addiction.

Addiction help comes to those who seek it. If  you want to know how to stop drinking it is not going to happen if you are sitting at home on the couch and trying to wish your problem away. There are a bunch of different programs out there for staying clean and sober but the most popular one is AA and NA. Regardless of which program you follow, the key is in taking action.

None of the recovery programs out there are special or have the secret sauce that the other programs are lacking–it doesn’t work that way. If you are wondering how to help an alcoholic or addict then the key is in applying a program; not in choosing one. The secret is in the follow through. You have to put forth the work and the effort if you want to receive the benefits.

One of the biggest keys is in finding a way to connect with others in early recovery. Many will do this and still relapse, but the support you get from networking with others in recovery cannot be denied. If you want to do well in recovery then you should understand the importance of peer support from others who are trying to accomplish the same basic goal as you are. Whether or not you believe in the 12 step program is irrelevant because anyone can benefit from the peer support you can get from that fellowship.

So this process of making friends in recovery is crucial for new people in early recovery but as you go further along then a change needs to happen. The reason for this is because what got you clean and sober will not keep you clean and sober. The strategies you employ for early recovery are only useful up to a point and then you will have to make a change to pushing yourself for holistic growth. If you can do this then eventually you will transition to a creative life of recovery in which you are no longer dependent on meetings.

Of course we try our best to assist an alcoholic, but most of the time our help will actually hurt them instead because it does not move them any closer to surrender. So how can we know how to avoid enabling? How do we know when we are genuinely helping someone?

Here are some strategies that might serve you well:

1) Do not give them money – This is an easy rule that cuts right to the chase. Alcoholics need money in order to drink, but you should never give them money, even if they need to feed their children. This can sound really bad for a moment but try to comprehend for a moment how devious and coniving alcoholism can be. They might have already spent their money on booze, knowing that someone would step in and not let their children go hungry. So if you happen to have given them money then instead of helping the family or feeding the kids you are merely supporting an alcohol addiction. Don’t be deceived by this.

2) Suggest treatment but do not threaten or force them – if you try to force the issue this will only create resentment and more drinking. People who are forced or strongly coerced into treatment do not stay sober. They really have to want sobriety in their heart so your best route in most cases is just to notify them that treatment is open to them if they become willing.

3) Consider a formal intervention – think long and hard before doing a formal intervention because there is a chance that it can backfire and strain the relationship even further. That is why this is really a last ditch effort, because sometimes the intervention can make things worse instead of better. On the contrary, going forward with the intervention might be that final push that is necessary to motivate the person to make a lasting change. More likely, an intervention is a step along a path….it might not produce immediate sobriety, but it could be a piece of the puzzle for some people.

1) Willpower – This is essentially the same as not using any technique at all, but only relying on one’s own willpower to avoid picking up another drink. Of course this has been attempted by numerous drunks over the years and time and time again we prove to ourselves that we cannot quit successfully without serious help. Ever.

2) AVRT – this stands for “Addictive Voice Recognition Technique,” so this is essentially an example of a cognitive therapy for quitting drinking. The idea here is to recognize when your “addictive voice” is speaking and recognize it as being “your addiction” instead of the real you. Then you are able to tell this addictive voice that you do not want to drink when it starts to get active with you.

There are other therapies out there that are similar to this, each with the concept that we can change up our thinking in order to change our behavior. Some of us in sobriety can likely do well by using cognitive tools such as this, but for most alcoholics we will probably need to expand our solution set beyond these therapies by themselves and seek more help.

3) AA – Twelve step programs are probably the most widespread solution for alcoholism, and because of this, they offer the most amount of hope and the most realistic solution for most people in most situations. But there are problems and limitations with AA as a solution as well. For starters–while it is very hard to prove statistics regarding this fellowship–the rate of sobriety in 12 step programs likely runs around the rate of 5 to 10 percent. To be fair, though, no other treatment method seems to offer substantially better numbers than this, and AA certainly has helped a lot of those who wanted to know how to stop drinking.

It is not that Alcoholics Anonymous is not a good solution for recovery, the problem is that it is just not a complete solution for most people. The real solution for recovery is a holistic approach that addresses all aspects of the recovering individual. This is what we might call the creative theory of recovery in action. Finding your way to this solution requires a holistic approach if you want to stop drinking.

Please note that the physical detoxification from alcohol is extremely dangerous and can actually be fatal, so do seek out medical supervision if you are serious about quitting drinking. It is actually safer to continue drinking alcohol than to go through a serious withdrawal from it because the withdrawal can produce life threatening seizures.

If you are serious about quitting drinking altogether then one of the best choices you can make is to go attend a local rehab in your area. There are numerous benefits to going to a treatment facility

1) A detox center with medical staff

2) Residential program – to learn about recovery

3) Peer support – in treatment you will have the support of a peer group with similar problems and goals as yourself

4) Professional help – therapists and counselors can give you guidance

5) Medical help – doctors might prescribe certain pills that can help with cravings or long term withdrawal symptoms, etc.)

6) Aftercare – the treatment center can provide you with additional programs and tools for after you leave to help you out in the “real world”.

So do consider treatment if you are truly want to stop drinking.

An option for anyone who is hesitating on quitting drinking can always try some more moderation and see how that works for them too. There is no rule against doing so but you must exercise extreme caution while doing so. But be honest with yourself about how well the moderation strategy is working for you. If you can stop your drinking for a week or two then this does not prove much for you. If you can limit your drinking without going overboard for a full year then that is quite good.

There is a lot to learn regarding sobriety and if you truly want to change your life then you should do whatever you can to learn more as the payoff is really tremendous.

If you tend to drink large amounts but can basically go without booze for long periods of time when you want to, then you are likely just a problem drinker.If you don’t have the ability to walk away from alcohol for long time frames without going nuts about it then you are probably addicted.If you are not sure if you are an alcoholic or if you are a problem drinker, then you should do these trial runs:

1) Have one drink every day for the next six months; never to exceed the amount of one drink per day. No freebies allowed.

2) No drinking allowed, at all, for at least half a year. No exceptions allowed.

If you can do either of these challenges without any problems and without slipping up at all then you are likely not an alcoholic. But if you find yourself struggling with the experiment and actually resenting it then you might be suffering from alcoholism. If you are a problem drinker then you will fail on the first experiment and not be able to control your intake at some point. If you are addicted to alcohol then you will screw up the second trial and be unable to remain sober for the duration without some sort of help involved.

If you decide that you have a drinking problem of some sort then you should ask for help. If you are a true alcoholic then this might involve seeking treatment in a facility with a full detox unit. This is recommended because alcohol withdrawal is extremely dangerous and can actually kill you.

On the other hand, if you have a drinking problem, then you might seek counseling or therapy in some way. This can help you identify if you want to take steps to reduce or stop your alcohol consumption.

First, you must make the decision to stop drinking for good.While this might be obvious, many people who try to get clean and sober will suddenly realize that they really did not have their mind set on it in the first place. A lot of times people will try to get sober for someone else, and this just doesn’t work. The motivation to stop drinking has to come from the individual, and it has to be very strong.

Second of all, I would highly recommend a medical detox facility. Quitting drinking can be quite dangerous and in fact it can be fatal if you do it unsupervised.Best if you can get help from a trained medical staff to see you through this safely.

Third, I would advise you to attend a short residential program after being fulled detoxed.Attending a treatment program like this can have a bunch of additional bonuses:

1) You will have a safe environment to be sober for a while without any temptation.

2) You’ll learn all about living life sober and the basic mechanics of recovery through groups and presentations in treatment.

3) You’ll meet others in recovery who can become part of your support network for after treatment.

4) You will be exposed to AA and NA meetings and be introduced to the 12 steps and learn about how this can help you in recovery.

5) You will get a counselor who will work with you directly in helping you to overcome your personal issues that might have led you to drink.

6) The treatment center will set you up with an exit plan for leaving treatment where you can get some form of continuing care after you leave.

Treatment can be expensive in some cases but the cost is easily minimized if you manage to stay sober in the long run.Another way to put it is that the cost you pay up front, even if it is quite steep, is well worth the payoff if you actually remain sober. 

To sum up, here are the 3 tasks ahead of you if you are serious about quitting:

1) Make a decision to learn how to stop drinking.

2) Find a rehab that can help you with detoxification.

3) Get checked into a treatment center and stay open to the help they try to give you.