So you want to know how to help an alcoholic without enabling them?

Of course we try our best to assist an alcoholic, but most of the time our help will actually hurt them instead because it does not move them any closer to surrender. So how can we know how to avoid enabling? How do we know when we are genuinely helping someone?

Here are some strategies that might serve you well:

1) Do not give them money – This is an easy rule that cuts right to the chase. Alcoholics need money in order to drink, but you should never give them money, even if they need to feed their children. This can sound really bad for a moment but try to comprehend for a moment how devious and coniving alcoholism can be. They might have already spent their money on booze, knowing that someone would step in and not let their children go hungry. So if you happen to have given them money then instead of helping the family or feeding the kids you are merely supporting an alcohol addiction. Don’t be deceived by this.

2) Suggest treatment but do not threaten or force them – if you try to force the issue this will only create resentment and more drinking. People who are forced or strongly coerced into treatment do not stay sober. They really have to want sobriety in their heart so your best route in most cases is just to notify them that treatment is open to them if they become willing.

3) Consider a formal intervention – think long and hard before doing a formal intervention because there is a chance that it can backfire and strain the relationship even further. That is why this is really a last ditch effort, because sometimes the intervention can make things worse instead of better. On the contrary, going forward with the intervention might be that final push that is necessary to motivate the person to make a lasting change. More likely, an intervention is a step along a path….it might not produce immediate sobriety, but it could be a piece of the puzzle for some people.

How can we give addiction help to addicts who are struggling with addiction?

The real secret to this lies in empowering the drug addict to take control of their own life. In what way can we do that? It can be a hard truth to accept, but we can’t really convince another person to change, no matter how much we desire for them to be clean. Some addicts are not real willing to do that and so it can be hard to give them any sort of assistance in making a change.

The first thing you will want to do when trying to help an addict is to examine your own behavior. Are you allowing them to continue their destructive habits or behaviors in any way? If so, then you need to change your own behavior first, so that you are not sabotaging their recovery efforts. For example, if their drug use lands them in jail, and you automatically bail them out of jail, then you are probably enabling them. How? Because you are not allowing them to experience the natural outcomes of their destructive behaviors.

If you are rescuing them from the natural process of their destructive habits, then in fact you are not assisting them but could actually be prolonging their addiction. Another situation might be when they are at a party all night and get completely wasted and you end up covering their bases for them by calling off at their job. Doing things such as this might seem helpful at first, but you are actually enabling them to continue to use drugs. If they are really going to make any sort of major change in their using behavior then they will have to go through some pain initially in order to motivate that change.

The moment of surrender is when the addict is willing to accept help on someone else’s terms. This is how you know when they are truly ready for change and are no longer just manipulating and playing games. When they ask you for help in the form of guidance and direction about how to live, then you know they are ready for real change.

Getting the addict to this point is not easy and there isn’t much that you can do that will directly push them towards the point of surrender. The important part is that you no longer enable the addict and therefore allow them to hit bottom. The less frequently that you try to intervene and save their skin the faster they will be driven to real change.

For the true alcoholic, the idea that they can just stop drinking is no light matter. Given that there are a number of different methods to stop, which are most effective in most cases?

1) Willpower – This is essentially the same as not using any technique at all, but only relying on one’s own willpower to avoid picking up another drink. Of course this has been attempted by numerous drunks over the years and time and time again we prove to ourselves that we cannot quit successfully without serious help. Ever.

2) AVRT – this stands for “Addictive Voice Recognition Technique,” so this is essentially an example of a cognitive therapy for quitting drinking. The idea here is to recognize when your “addictive voice” is speaking and recognize it as being “your addiction” instead of the real you. Then you are able to tell this addictive voice that you do not want to drink when it starts to get active with you.

There are other therapies out there that are similar to this, each with the concept that we can change up our thinking in order to change our behavior. Some of us in sobriety can likely do well by using cognitive tools such as this, but for most alcoholics we will probably need to expand our solution set beyond these therapies by themselves and seek more help.

3) AA – Twelve step programs are probably the most widespread solution for alcoholism, and because of this, they offer the most amount of hope and the most realistic solution for most people in most situations. But there are problems and limitations with AA as a solution as well. For starters–while it is very hard to prove statistics regarding this fellowship–the rate of sobriety in 12 step programs likely runs around the rate of 5 to 10 percent. To be fair, though, no other treatment method seems to offer substantially better numbers than this, and AA certainly has helped a lot of those who wanted to know how to stop drinking.

It is not that Alcoholics Anonymous is not a good solution for recovery, the problem is that it is just not a complete solution for most people. The real solution for recovery is a holistic approach that addresses all aspects of the recovering individual. This is what we might call the creative theory of recovery in action. Finding your way to this solution requires a holistic approach if you want to stop drinking.

If you have decided that you want to go beyond merely trying to control your drinking then it is time to make a decision and attempt to quit drinking entirely. Now this might sound like a death sentence at first but it really is not so bad once you get past the initial detox and start living a real life again.

Please note that the physical detoxification from alcohol is extremely dangerous and can actually be fatal, so do seek out medical supervision if you are serious about quitting drinking. It is actually safer to continue drinking alcohol than to go through a serious withdrawal from it because the withdrawal can produce life threatening seizures.

If you are serious about quitting drinking altogether then one of the best choices you can make is to go attend a local rehab in your area. There are numerous benefits to going to a treatment facility

1) A detox center with medical staff

2) Residential program – to learn about recovery

3) Peer support – in treatment you will have the support of a peer group with similar problems and goals as yourself

4) Professional help – therapists and counselors can give you guidance

5) Medical help – doctors might prescribe certain pills that can help with cravings or long term withdrawal symptoms, etc.)

6) Aftercare – the treatment center can provide you with additional programs and tools for after you leave to help you out in the “real world”.

So do consider treatment if you are truly want to stop drinking.

An option for anyone who is hesitating on quitting drinking can always try some more moderation and see how that works for them too. There is no rule against doing so but you must exercise extreme caution while doing so. But be honest with yourself about how well the moderation strategy is working for you. If you can stop your drinking for a week or two then this does not prove much for you. If you can limit your drinking without going overboard for a full year then that is quite good.

There is a lot to learn regarding sobriety and if you truly want to change your life then you should do whatever you can to learn more as the payoff is really tremendous.

Here are some tips for recovering addicts to engage the creative life in recovery.

What is creation?

Creative recovery is the solution to the problem of “What can I do with myself now that I don’t do drugs and alcohol anymore?”

But before you can engage the newcomer in creative efforts, they have to get through stage one recovery. This means that they have to establish a brief period of sobriety and find their footing before they can really start making progress with creation.

Getting through this first stage of recovery can be accomplished in several different ways. The most effective method of gaining some sober time in early recovery is to use overwhelming force. This means that the recovering drug addict must go above and beyond what they think is necessary in order for them to stay clean. If they are going to AA or NA groups, they should try to go to multiple meetings every day instead of just doing the usual 90 in 90. If the person is considering rehab, they might think about attending a halfway house or a long term facility instead of the usual short stay. This is a brute force approach, and it works pretty good for newcomers who are struggling to stay clean in the first stage of their recovery. If you don’t follow this path, then it will be very difficult for you to remain sober for a long time or even make it past early recovery. Using a brute force approach in early recovery is the best way to insure success.

After an addict has established a few months of clean time, they are ready to transition into the creative life of recovery. What this means is that the person is going to start a brand new life with new goals and new aspirations for themselves that can fill up the void that is left from their drinking and drugging lifestyle. Creation is the method by which someone starts filling their life back up with purpose after the chemicals are removed. It is not a workable solution to simply quit the drugs and alcohol and then try to resume a normal life of some sort. For many newcomers in recovery, there is no baseline of normalcy for them to relate too, and they have to start relearning how to live all over again. This is the power of creation and it is necessary for long term sobriety.

There are several good reasons to get involved with addiction therapy sessions and I’m going to explain some of them.

The first step is to actually admit that we have a problem and come to grips with the idea that we need some help. Once we have reached that conclusion it is time to take action. At this point I would recommend finding a good therapist. I would recommend that you seek out a therapist that makes you want to open up naturally with them.

Once you have achieved this I would say that in the beginning you should go to drug addiction therapy at least once per week. Make a decision that you are going to stay on schedule and never miss an appointment for your therapy sessions. It will take you a little while to get real comfortable so start slow if you would like, the choice is yours. You might open up with a therapist and share something that has been buried deep inside you for years that really needs to come out.

After you do this then you will experience some level of relief. I would say on your next session to share something bigger. For example, maybe you cheated on your spouse and you never owned up to it to this day.  
After you reveal a secret that has been burning away at you then you will feel some relief, like maybe you are not so bad after all, and then you might be able to face life sober some day. When I was in therapy sessions I was given certain tasks to complete such as opening up at a 12 step meeting that week. I might not do so at the next meeting I had but eventually I would work up the courage to do so. This seems to be true for many recovering addicts and alcoholics.

Anyway I did eventually share at a meeting and this made me feel comfortable and I will never forget the fear that was there. This is the path to success in recovery – we must feel the fear and go through with it anyway.
Once we sober up we are graced with the possibility of staying in recovery and discovering a new way of living. Maybe you would like to improve your career or go back to school, start exercising regularly there is nothing you can not do once you are clean that is within limits. I would urge you to make a firm decision and start working towards this new reality today. So get busy and take a bite out of your addiction.

If you believe that you have some sort of issue with alcohol then your first course of action is to properly diagnose your problem. What is the true nature of your problem and what is the extent of it? Is your problem really with drinking too much or does your problem really get nasty when you actually stop drinking?

If you tend to drink large amounts but can basically go without booze for long periods of time when you want to, then you are likely just a problem drinker.If you don’t have the ability to walk away from alcohol for long time frames without going nuts about it then you are probably addicted.If you are not sure if you are an alcoholic or if you are a problem drinker, then you should do these trial runs:

1) Have one drink every day for the next six months; never to exceed the amount of one drink per day. No freebies allowed.

2) No drinking allowed, at all, for at least half a year. No exceptions allowed.

If you can do either of these challenges without any problems and without slipping up at all then you are likely not an alcoholic. But if you find yourself struggling with the experiment and actually resenting it then you might be suffering from alcoholism. If you are a problem drinker then you will fail on the first experiment and not be able to control your intake at some point. If you are addicted to alcohol then you will screw up the second trial and be unable to remain sober for the duration without some sort of help involved.

If you decide that you have a drinking problem of some sort then you should ask for help. If you are a true alcoholic then this might involve seeking treatment in a facility with a full detox unit. This is recommended because alcohol withdrawal is extremely dangerous and can actually kill you.

On the other hand, if you have a drinking problem, then you might seek counseling or therapy in some way. This can help you identify if you want to take steps to reduce or stop your alcohol consumption.

Beating addiction doesn’t happen overnight, it is a process that unfolds over time. Any recovering alcoholic or addict will tell you that overcoming addiction is a process that unfolds before you for the rest of your life. But what exactly does this process entail, and how can we go about pursuing it successfully?

Before you can even try to beat addiction or alcoholism, you must surrender and thus overcome your denial. What exactly does this mean?

It means you have to stop fighting with yourself in terms of trying to control your use. You must not keep giving in to the fantasy that you might some day drink booze like a normal person can without losing control. If you are hanging on to the idea that one day you might be able to control your drinking or drugging and thus use successfully, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

Surrender is not an event (as it is often made out to be in stories) but really more of a process. It just happens suddenly; I don’t really believe that you can make it happen by your own force of will. Most recovering alcoholics would argue that you have to hit bottom first. If you are still having fun with drinking and drugging, then chances are not good that you can surrender to the disease. It is only after going through lots of miserable life experiences with drinking that surrender becomes an option. It is only when the good times end that a struggling alcoholic can consider the scenario of getting sober.

Because addiction attacks a person’s mind, body, and spirit, the solution must also address each of these areas of your life. That is what makes an integrated and holistic recovery program so effective. So many times in recovery I have seen alcoholics devote too much energy to one aspect of recovery and lose their balance in life. This almost always leads to disaster and eventually a return to drinking. Beating an addiction demands a more in-depth approach.

A holistic solution for recovery addresses these issues. You physically abstain from chemicals and start treating your physical body much better. At the same time a successful recovery program will push you to grow spiritually. You’ll also mature emotionally as you repair relationships and also socially as you develop a sober network of friends in recovery.

Not to mislead anyone – it can be extremely difficult for a real alcoholic to find sobriety.If you are seriously addicted to alcohol and not just someone with a drinking problem then this can be very difficult indeed. Here is the recommended course of action for any alcoholic who truly wants to stop.

First, you must make the decision to stop drinking for good.While this might be obvious, many people who try to get clean and sober will suddenly realize that they really did not have their mind set on it in the first place. A lot of times people will try to get sober for someone else, and this just doesn’t work. The motivation to stop drinking has to come from the individual, and it has to be very strong.

Second of all, I would highly recommend a medical detox facility. Quitting drinking can be quite dangerous and in fact it can be fatal if you do it unsupervised.Best if you can get help from a trained medical staff to see you through this safely.

Third, I would advise you to attend a short residential program after being fulled detoxed.Attending a treatment program like this can have a bunch of additional bonuses:

1) You will have a safe environment to be sober for a while without any temptation.

2) You’ll learn all about living life sober and the basic mechanics of recovery through groups and presentations in treatment.

3) You’ll meet others in recovery who can become part of your support network for after treatment.

4) You will be exposed to AA and NA meetings and be introduced to the 12 steps and learn about how this can help you in recovery.

5) You will get a counselor who will work with you directly in helping you to overcome your personal issues that might have led you to drink.

6) The treatment center will set you up with an exit plan for leaving treatment where you can get some form of continuing care after you leave.

Treatment can be expensive in some cases but the cost is easily minimized if you manage to stay sober in the long run.Another way to put it is that the cost you pay up front, even if it is quite steep, is well worth the payoff if you actually remain sober. 

To sum up, here are the 3 tasks ahead of you if you are serious about quitting:

1) Make a decision to learn how to stop drinking.

2) Find a rehab that can help you with detoxification.

3) Get checked into a treatment center and stay open to the help they try to give you.

How can a person really help a struggling alcoholic to get well? Historically, recovery programs have attempted to answer this question but without a lot of success at it. Perhaps you have encouraged an alcoholic in your life to get sober without much success. If it has come to this point then perhaps you should consider the best way to help an alcoholic.

Part of the issue here is that most treatment paths do not really tailor to the individual – they are set up to treat anyone and everyone. They are basically a general program that is supposed to work for everyone but obviously this is not the case as many will fail to achieve success. For example, 12 step programs, which typically dominate the recovery scene, have remained unchanged for decades.

When a person needs to sober up or get clean from drugs, our usual answer is to have them attend group therapy or 12 step meetings. When that fails to produce decent results, instead of blaming the program we always blame the individual, saying that “they just didn’t want it enough,” or that “they just did not get into the spiritual side of the program.” These types of excuses point to a failing in our quest for better recovery and we can do better then just blaming the failed alcoholic. I would suggest:

1) Push alcoholics to use treatment for early recovery. This is critical because early recovery is very trying and it can be hard for the alcoholic to get even a small amount of clean time in some cases.” In a safe setting such as rehab it is much smoother when trying to get a hold on early recovery.

2) Encourage the struggling alcoholic to set goals and create a better life. This is important because it is not enough to merely quit drinking. When an alcoholic drinks they do it with passion and it becomes a huge part of their life. In their recovery journey, an alcoholic must find new meaning and depth in their life or they risk sliding back into a relapse of destruction and despair.

3) Encourage alcoholics to make holistic growth a priority in their life. If you can get someone to grow in one area of their life, that is good. But if you can convince them to grow in several areas of their life, this is even better. Holistic growth is indicating that the person is treating their disease as a whole, not simply as a spiritual problem (as some treatments deal with it).