Resource Author Francisco Rodriguez H.
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Frequently I help clients to learn about four different ways of approaching life and how each of these either helps the individual or slows their progress. Following are summaries of each of these.
The mother looked at her daughter with curiosity and asked, “Why did you put that roast in two small pots instead of cooking it in just one large one?”
The daughter looked at her mother with surprise and said, “That's the way you always cooked roasts when I was a child.”
The mother threw her head back in laughter and said, “Oh. I just did that because we were so poor that those two small pots were all that I had.”
The daughter was following her mother's practice without ever knowing why.
It reminds me of the way my mother rolled out dough with an empty beer bottle because she didn't own a rolling pin. Wouldn't it be silly for me to follow my mother's habit when there's no longer a need.
To me the word sorry becomes meaningless, it used too much by the same person. When this becomes a problem with me, I often make a suggestion to the other person, to quit using the word sorry and start showing me some effort, by changing their life. Changing the way they do things would eliminate the need to say you're sorry, constantly.
3. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE – Some people are insecure but hate conflict so much that they harm others in indirect ways rather than confronting or communicating with them. Resentment and other negative emotions combined with “sneaky” behaviours are used to get even with others who may not even know that the person is upset with them. For example, a person who is passive-aggressive may gossip about others, make promises that they don't fulfill to hurt the other person or use indirect actions to disgrace the other person. I often use the example of a cook who doesn't like the customer and instead of dealing with the differences between them, just spits in the customer's soup!
4. ASSERTIVE – People who are aware of their needs and know how to ensure they are met in a healthy manner, show respect for themselves and others while dealing with issues. They speak firmly but politely while staying focussed on resolving problems. Preservation of self-esteem for themselves and others is a result of using assertive techniques that include honest communication.
If you are unhappy and feel that some or all of your relationships are in trouble, perhaps learning more about assertiveness will help you. Remember, in order to live a happy and assertive life, you need to know your needs and be able to ask in a healthy manner for them to be met.
Try learning about and using assertiveness. I'm sure you will be glad that you did
